How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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