Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
