My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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