after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
