After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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