i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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