This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
