I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
