So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
