I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
