I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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