i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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