True but thats because hes a fetus.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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