i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
