sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
