I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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