I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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