I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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