I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
