No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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