it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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