Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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