I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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