DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
