i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
