I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
