i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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