Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
