I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
