the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
