It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
