trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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