i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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