I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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