You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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