My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
