she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
