Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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