you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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