Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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