I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
