Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
