brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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