All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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