I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
