This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
