This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
