Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
someone threw a dead crab at me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize