True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
