i'm signing you up for texting rehab
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
