operation have a gay friend backfired
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
