I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
