If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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