i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
