Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
