we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
