Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dick very happy bro
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize