so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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