I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
