I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i think my cat just said my name.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
