Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
