I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
