she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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