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I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
