I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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