No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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