if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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