I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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