FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
