Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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